Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize