i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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