Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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