Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
