I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
