So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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