Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
