Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
