I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
