I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
