I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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