I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
