I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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