The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
