Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
