Who wears a wallet chain?!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
