i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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