Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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