she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
