Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
