i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
