I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
