last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
