Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
