i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
