We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
