i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
