Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
