I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
