I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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