Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
