Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
