I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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