you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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