Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
