Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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