Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
