I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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