I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
