You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
