I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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