Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
