My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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