I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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