just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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