if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
