so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
