i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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