After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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