Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
