it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We're too hungover to prance.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
