I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
