I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
