I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You pole danced in your parka.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
