It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
