blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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