Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize