hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
