We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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