Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
