dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
