Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A+ Viking dick
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
