dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
