I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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